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 ESSAY CONCLUSION HELP WTF

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Amy
Abyssal Demon


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Join date : 2011-06-18
Location : London, England

PostSubject: ESSAY CONCLUSION HELP WTF   Mon May 13, 2013 1:09 pm

So I've been sitting here trying to write a conclusion to my extended question for the past 20 minutes and I have nothing, I would really appreciate some help!

The title is
“The war on terror means that Human Rights may not always be protected” Discuss


My answer is by no means perfect so please dont be afraid to point out helpful hints to help me as well! but if you do help, focus on the conclusion pleaaaaaase :3

Edit: the essay looks so short on here D:


Spoiler:
 







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Villiama
Dark Beast


Posts : 1748
Join date : 2010-07-10

PostSubject: Re: ESSAY CONCLUSION HELP WTF   Mon May 13, 2013 1:56 pm

For endings I find that writing a short summary is a straightforward and functional way of finishing. After the summary I normally write some cheesy stuff to make it look nice.

I've underlined everything I altered or added. Some minor mistakes here and there. I must say your language is excellent. It's both fluent and relevant. You tend to overuse commas though which occasionally results in overly long sentences. Razz

Spoiler:
 

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Spyrtia
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PostSubject: Re: ESSAY CONCLUSION HELP WTF   Mon May 13, 2013 4:20 pm

Looking really good Smile

One death trap you have to watch out for is that you shouldn't deter too much from the title/subject. In conclusion to this essay I'd try to refer back to the 'possibilty' of harming Human Rights being very present, especially because of national security concerns. Even though on many ethical grounds the violation of these rights should not be taken lightly, but this apparently doesn't weigh up to the use of the violation.
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Amy
Abyssal Demon


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PostSubject: Re: ESSAY CONCLUSION HELP WTF   Tue May 14, 2013 12:57 am

Both replies were so helpful, thanks alot Smile finishing my conclusion up as we speak!

much appreciated!
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Phonixz
Ganodermic Beast
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PostSubject: Re: ESSAY CONCLUSION HELP WTF   Tue May 14, 2013 1:38 am

Warning!!!!
I made this in a few minutes, its not going to be great I'm rushing.
I'm a noob at English be ready for some of this to not make sense, I did not proof read so who knows
I have never done this topic before so I stole your stuff
I made this up as I went!

Conclusions!?!?!!!!?
(1) Summery!!
In conclusion, the detriment to human rights has been evident since the “War on Terror Campaign” in 2001 had been implemented by the United States of America. Such has been evidence by the wrongly sentencing of Binyam Mohamed in 2004. Such breach of human rights has proven to be justifiable in the past as well, for example Abdul Hakim Murad in 1996 which also shows evidence that the discarding of human rights has also gone on before the 2001 War on Terror Campaign but still in relation to battling against terror leading to unprotected human rights.
Human rights have also managed to remain protected in many cases however such as… (Throw in some evidence here) (Throw in a date here)
(2) Your opinion
Keep it brief yo! (I’ve pretty much done this bit on the next example)
(3) Evidence to back up your opinion, preferably new evidence not what’s been used already (we are educated people so let’s use evidence!)
It is clear that human rights are often discarded when in subject to the war on terror (throw some evidence here) (why not slap in a date here for said evidence), however it is clear that the subject at hand is more complex as we can see human rights being defended frequently such as (throw in some new evidence here) (why not give it a date here). Feel free to make a snazzy little ending here

Could just be the historian in me but I feel like you may want to throw in some dates, people like me love a good date makes you feel all warm and fussy.

Just realised I kind of cut my last example short buuuuuuuuuut I think you get the point

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Amy
Abyssal Demon


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PostSubject: Re: ESSAY CONCLUSION HELP WTF   Tue May 14, 2013 4:16 am

Oo some great help there phon, thanks alot Very Happy x
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Pholus
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PostSubject: Re: ESSAY CONCLUSION HELP WTF   Tue May 14, 2013 10:24 am

lol, and here I was thinking that school was a good place to get help with school stuff Razz
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Amy
Abyssal Demon


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Join date : 2011-06-18
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PostSubject: Re: ESSAY CONCLUSION HELP WTF   Wed May 15, 2013 8:24 am

I mayyyy have left it too late to go and get help Razz
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Mufc42
Ice Strykewyrm
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PostSubject: Re: ESSAY CONCLUSION HELP WTF   Wed May 15, 2013 10:51 am

Pholus wrote:
lol, and here I was thinking that school was a good place to get help with school stuff Razz

school is overrated.

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Venoxulous
Skeletal Wyvern


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Join date : 2011-02-20

PostSubject: Re: ESSAY CONCLUSION HELP WTF   Wed May 15, 2013 10:54 am

Mufc42 wrote:
Pholus wrote:
lol, and here I was thinking that school was a good place to get help with school stuff Razz

school is overrated.

THIS.

Infact i felt so strongly i missed 2+1/2 years of high school and self-taught myself everything. STILL got above average grades, simple evidence that School = Exp waste
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Phonixz
Ganodermic Beast
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PostSubject: Re: ESSAY CONCLUSION HELP WTF   Wed May 15, 2013 11:12 am

You guys all love school really, why even deny it

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Mufc42
Ice Strykewyrm
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PostSubject: Re: ESSAY CONCLUSION HELP WTF   Wed May 15, 2013 11:23 am

Sorry miss phon. Sad


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Pholus
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PostSubject: Re: ESSAY CONCLUSION HELP WTF   Wed May 15, 2013 1:32 pm

Phonixz wrote:
You guys all love school really, why even deny it

its true, school is great Smile
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VegIsHawt
Bloodveld


Posts : 288
Join date : 2013-01-07

PostSubject: Re: ESSAY CONCLUSION HELP WTF   Wed May 15, 2013 4:47 pm

tldr
@ Phonphon, who starts a conclusion with in conclusion?
@ Amy, your first paragraph has that like 5 line long sentence lol. Spelled since wrong too nub. But too late now!@!@
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Amy
Abyssal Demon


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Join date : 2011-06-18
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PostSubject: Re: ESSAY CONCLUSION HELP WTF   Thu May 16, 2013 12:53 am

WTF SPELL CHECK.
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Guest
Guest



PostSubject: Re: ESSAY CONCLUSION HELP WTF   Sat May 18, 2013 7:30 pm

Il 9ve you all.
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Venoxulous
Skeletal Wyvern


Posts : 640
Join date : 2011-02-20

PostSubject: Re: ESSAY CONCLUSION HELP WTF   Sun May 19, 2013 8:44 am

I love you moar!
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PostSubject: Re: ESSAY CONCLUSION HELP WTF   Today at 12:35 pm

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