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 I need help from fellow nesters, pl0x!

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Ford Fiesta
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Posts : 47
Join date : 2011-02-13
Location : Montreal,Quebec

PostSubject: I need help from fellow nesters, pl0x!   Wed Sep 21, 2011 4:38 pm

hai 2 all nesters, as most of you may know, my main langage is french. I take english class at school and i had a thesis to write about a hero. I did it but i am not sure about all my sentences and i would need all of the help you guys can give me <3 so here is my text, every help is appreciated =)


Chesley Sullenberger is the commander of flight US Airways 1549. He should be considered a hero because he saved 155 lives by following the right procedures when his 75 million dollar airbus hit a group of birds, a couple minutes after the takeoff, leading to an engine failure and a emergency landing in the hudson river, in the state of new york.

Commander Sullenberger should and is considered as a hero because he remained calm and concentrated in this intense flight that lasted only 5 minute and 8 second. He succeeded at what many other pilot did not succeed, keeping his calm in a situation of imminent crash. Many commercial pilot in that situation paniced and took the wrong decision, leading to a crash and the death of all of the passengers, unlike them, Chesley Sullenberger, 57 years old succesfully landed his plane on the hudson river, without any passenger hurt except the flight attendant which had minor injuries.

He should also be considered as a hero because he followed the emergency procedure step by step, without hesitation. With the help of his partner, Jeffrey Skiles, who had the week before the crash completed his course to become a certified airbus pilot and with help of the control tower he landed the 75 million dollar airbus A-320-214 in the cold water of river hudson on the 15th of january 2009. After the crash, an inspection occured, to verify every possible fact that could of cause the crash and to punish the commander if he made a bad a bad decision. The inspectors verified the version of commander Sullenberger and had nothing bad to say about the moves he did, the only thing they had to tell hi mis that they could congratualte him for his excellent work in this situation, from the short and clear communication with the control tower to the choice he made to land on the river instead of trying to land at the new jersey airport, which would of cause the crash to be much more important, because it would of happened in a populated area.

In conclusion, Chelsey Sullenberger should and is considered a hero for all of his decision causing the best scenario possible at that time. After the crash, the pilot, copilot and all the flight attendant were invited by the mayor of new york to receive the keys of the city, which made them heros.

second version:

Chesley Sullenberger, 57 years old, is the commander of US Airways flight 1549. He should be considered a hero because he saved 155 lives by following the right procedures when his 75 million dollar airbus hit a group of birds, a couple minutes after the takeoff, leading to an engine failure and an emergency landing in the Hudson river, in the state of New York.

Commander Sullenberger should and is considered as a hero because he remained calm and concentrated in this intense flight that lasted only 5 minutes and 8 seconds. He succeeded at what many other pilots could not succeed by keeping his calm in a situation of imminent crash. Many commercial pilots in that situation would have paniced and would of taken the wrong decision, leading to a crash and the death of all of the passengers. Unlike them, Chesley Sullenberger, succesfully landed his plane in the Hudson river without any passengers hurt except one of the flight attendant, who had minor injuries.

He should also be considered as a hero because he followed the emergency procedures step by step without hesitation. With the help of his partner, Jeffrey Skiles, who the week before the crash completed his course to become a certified airbus pilot and with the help of the control tower he landed the 75 million dollar airbus A-320-214 in the cold water of the Hudson river on the 15th of January, 2009. After the crash, there was an inspection to verify that it was not caused by the pilot, but by something out of his control. The inspectors confirmed the pilot’s version of the incident and found that everything he did was perfect. They congratulated him for his outstanding performance and for his cool and calm attitude during the crash. Had he not crashed in the hudson river and taken the control tower’s advice to land in Newark Airport, it would have likely cost the lives of others.

Due to Chesley’s executive decisions while under intense pressure, he is considered a hero. After the crash, the pilot, copilot and all the flight attendants were invited by the mayor of New York to receive the keys to the city. I belieive that Sullenberger is a hero for saving all those lives and keeping his concentration in such an intense moment.
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PostSubject: Re: I need help from fellow nesters, pl0x!   Wed Sep 21, 2011 8:52 pm

Maybe it's because I've spent most of the past two days driving all over the place, but I find the paragraph a little hard to read. For the most part though, it seems to follow proper grammer rules, although in my view, some of the sentences seem to run on a little (they go too long without a break such as a period or comma for example). Hudson River should have both parts capitalized though due to it being a specific place. When i put your second option into a word processer, it found one grammer mistake having to do with would have's and would of's.

P.S. since i call this helping, i fell i get to take a shot at you. Assuming you are a Quebecer, not a Francer, Canadiens Stink. <--for those that don't know, it's a french thing with the e in Canadiens.
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